A few thoughts on CONFIDENCE

A few months ago, I attending a Confidence Coaching course. I was discussing with another coach what it meant to lead a confident life and the various strategies therein. As someone who has ‘suffered’ (I use the word loosely, given that, comparatively, there’s far greater things to be concerned about in the world!) confidence issues throughout my life it’s odd how easily the cliches can roll off the tongue when talking about it, rather than living it…

  • No one really cares as deeply about your quirks as you do
  • You are the most qualified person in the whole world to be YOU
  • Being YOU takes no effort
  • It takes much more effort to try to be something other than yourself
  • Pretending to be somebody else is exhausting

It takes no effort to be YOU. When you understand that and accept that above everything else, you give yourself permission to live your life as you and only you.

But how can I accept me?

Many clients seem to struggle with thinking they have to be something they are not to be successful. They might work themselves into the ground because they think that’s what it means to be a personal success. They might spend more than they have on clothes and make-up because they don’t value their looks enough. Many people have difficulty in accepting what and who they are without all these extra layers of pretence on top. They might not even know who they are anymore as they’ve begun to identify more with the facade than the inner person.

Confidence barriers

Your confidence can be bashed and constrained by invisible barriers that no one else can see. We, ourselves, might not even realise these barriers exist. They do, though, and they can have a huge effect on us and how we live our lives. We might not go for that promotion because we feel we won’t get it – no empirical evidence of rejection, just a feeling. The barrier of limiting beliefs has just stopped us taking that risk, and, more importantly, stopped us potentially reaping that reward.

By working towards identifying these barriers and limiting beliefs, you can start making real positive changes to help you begin to demonstrate what you’re truly capable of and move you towards a greater sense of self acceptance.

Confidence starts with self acceptance

Here are some simple self-help tips on how you can begin to accept yourself and everything that’s actually fabulous about you.

Without sounding all ‘Earth Mother’, try to imagine yourself as a tree. It needs to be looked after. It needs sunlight, water, etc. If the surrounding environment is poor, the tree will suffer. Think about your own life. What are your surrounded by? Is it a good environment to foster growth? Do you need to make some changes to the things that surround you to help bring out your inner oak tree?

With many people, body issues can make or break a person’s confidence. If you’re not happy with how you look, you won’t be happy with how you feel. People will pick up on this. You’ll project a lack of self esteem. Assess your body. How is it compared to what you’d like it to be? Is it healthy? If there’s a gap, what small steps could you start introducing into your routine to move you closer to a body (inside and out) that you’d be happy with and would make you confident? Nutrition, exercise, sleep, hydration, etc.

While we’re talking about your body, be sure to look at yourself critically, but also fairly. See your beauty. Also see the beauty that surrounds you – other people, parks, sunsets. Whatever rocks your boat.

Ask yourself some questions:

  • How could I be more accepting of myself?
  • How would that acceptance help me become more confident?
  • If I were more confident, what could I achieve?
  • What do I want to achieve that’s being hindered by confident issues?
  • If you could comfortably be you, how would other people see you?
  • What changes are you going to introduce into your life to move you towards accepting yourself and being confident in being you?

Coaching can help you to work through limiting beliefs and unlocking the you you want to be. There’s no mystical chanting or magic spells. It’s just good, honest conversation, backed up with goals setting and creating a solid plan of actions. Your coach will be supportive and encouraging. The process is driven by you. If you’d like to know more, get in touch.